Just like a teenage girl reading her first love letter from her crush in school, my face glowed with a reckless smile accompanied with a foxy sensation all over my body as I walked passed the University of Nigeria south gate popularly known as “Odim Gate.” Keeping a straight face, I strolled into “Odim” trying hard not to make eye contacts with the endowed fresh banana, bikini boiled sweet groundnut and the ever enticing sultry hot Okpa assembled on different wheelbarrows by sellers stationed just outside the gate.
I was particularly happy this evening because as a low budget “very bright student” wannabe I had spent the whole day at the library basement jacking and devouring BIO 101 lecture note and materials to stupor. Astonishingly, I had understood everything I read the whole day ranging from Mendelian, Molecular, Classical and Population genetics and I just couldn’t wait to daunt Prof. Ejere with questions in class to capture the attention of Ifeyinwa my class crush.
Since the moment I first set eyes on Ifeyinwa at Abuja Building during Chemistry Practical, life has never remained the same for me. For over two months now, I have been making onerous efforts to shoot my shot but unfortunately for me, she isn’t catching my shot and it seemed as if I am nonexistent despite my effort of struggling to seat close to her during classes, initiating conversations and even attending night class at Social Science Faculty so she’d know I’m a serious student. She is the reason why I always lose concentration during lectures especially in CHM 101 class where she normally seats in the front row with her friend Shalom.
My paddy, Chinonso had advised me to forget her case and move on because I stood no chance especially with her being high classy as a staff kid. Unperturbed, I’ve resolved to keep on trying because I’m optimistic I would eventually win her over even if I’d have to wait till final year. Ifeyinwa beauty is an act of God showing off with her rapture-blue eyes, dainty nose, syrupy-sweet lips, soothing voice and a blend of joyous personality. Last week, I overhead her informing her friend Oluchi that she has been having difficulties trying to comprehend the BIO 101 course material especially the Mendelian laws and inheritance traits. At the realization of this knowledge, I had since swung into action by reading the course inside-out as if my overall CGPA depended on it with the consolidation that I’d finally be able to showcase myself during the next lecture and hopefully woo her with my free BIO 101 tutorial.
As I marched deeper like a young Biafran soldier into the street of Odim heading towards my lodge, my hunger for Ifeyinwa quenched as the hunger for food boarded my mind like an overloaded Peace Mass Transit bus. The time was 6 pm and all I wanted to do at that moment was to just eat something heavy preferably swallow, catch up with all the messages on my class WhatsApp group chat and have a sumptuous sleep in preparation for my proposal to Ifeyinwa the next day. As a typical bachelor, I began to solve trigonometry calculations in my head on what I would have for dinner. Unfortunately, my Egusi soup finished the previous day after preserving and constant warming for about a week turning the taste to “agbo medicine.”
“Well since you want to take a swallow, why not mince Okro with your retired Nsukka peppered stew adding an egg for a balanced diet,” I thought within myself with an affirmative nod.
Almost arriving at my lodge, I walked into the popular “Mumsy Shop” to get Okro, egg and a bag of pure water. Mumsy is a very fair woman and the guardian angel of my street as she has been saving Odim boys from hunger since the year 1999 especially with her delicious hot “chop one, chop two” Moi Moi at the expense of our money of course. I remember the day she had given me a piece of motherly advice when I ran to her shop in distress to buy red oil at about 11 pm with only forty Naira to salvage the Oha soup I was preparing in that ungodly hour. She had told me why it’s not advisable to prepare food at midnight…
“Good evening Mumsy” I greeted as I entered her shop to carry a bag of sachet water and also informing her daughter that I needed egg and Okro both for fifty Naira each. I peeped inside the soup Mumsy was maltreating with the bowl of Eba balanced on her lap. Interestingly, the victim of the massacre was an Okro-stew soup.
“What a coincidence,” I thought.
“Mumsy I need my change” a feminine voice spoke from behind.
Instantaneously, I lost balance because it sounded as if an angel had just spoken. The voice was just too enthralling as I quickly turned back to catch a glimpse of the personality behind the angelic voice.
“Oh my God, what I saw was pure feminine volatility.
This creature is not of the earth” I said as I noticed my heart racing for Olympic gold medal. I will describe her as Ifeyinwa plus a charming gap tooth, glossy skin and face like a glamorous fresh tomato.
“She had just filled her 25-litre gallon with water from Mumsy water reservoir,” I observed.
“What else?” Mumsy daughter barked at me as she handed over to me the egg and Okro wrapped in nylon bringing me back to reality but still my attention was fixated on the angel.
I almost jumped for joy as I observed Angel staggering with her gallon of water towards my lodge.
“Wow! That means she is staying in my lodge” I said inside of me whilst licking my lip like Coldstone.
For the first time, the lodge is making sense to me. I quickly collected my change and walked slowly behind Angel with admiration. Thinking about what I’d do to mesmerize Angel, I thought about offering to assist her with her gallon of water.
“Mba no, That’d be too forward” I dismissed the thought.
“What about doing something exciting to capture her heart so she’d know I’m charming and an alpha male. Just then, Angel stopped midway to gasp for air a resultant effect of the heavy gallon of water she was carrying. I walked passed her and I finally resolved to do a kind of acrobatic display with the bag of pure water when I’m sure she is staring.
I attempted to place the pure water on my shoulder without the support of my other hand. As I raised the bag “ski pidi pa pa pa” the nylon tore and whole sachet water came down crashing on the floor like crude oil price. The embarrassment was overwhelming I just wanted for the ground to open and end my misery. Angel quickly rushed forward abandoning her gallon of water to console me.
“Let me get you cellophane from my room” she announced almost running into the lodge.
She came back within split seconds with a big nylon bag. I bent down and began to pick the sachet water into the bag and she assisted with the picking as passersby watched with enthusiasm. As the picking went on, we simultaneously stretched hands to reach for a particular sachet which made our hands touch. At that instance, my heart stopped beating, everything was now in slow motion like in the movies with my whole body paralyzed with watery love. We both looked deeply into each other eyes with electrifying affection, the moment was magical. I quickly closed my eyes, moved my lips forward in attempt to….
“Lion…” Dr Agbo is calling you. Chizaram informed me with a pinch.
“Chineke” I exclaimed almost loudly with disbelief I had dozed off in the GSP 101 class and most annoyingly my magical moment with Angel has been ruined.
“Stand up there” my lecturer commanded.
“Can you tell the class my last statement” he added.
I stood like a zombie not wanting to waste any energy to rack my brain to provide the answer to his question because I just wanted to conclude my sweet encounter with Angel and not any last statement whatever.
“You see; this is an example of undesirable learning behaviour. You are in school to learn…” Dr Agbo went on and on about why we need to stay focused in class and the importance of note-taking…
“Sir, its 5 pm” one of my colleagues announced to my excitement.
The lecturer looked at his wristwatch and announced we’d continue the lecture next week. I was relieved but then I had already “loose guard” in front of my colleagues. I quickly placed my note inside my bag and walked home in shame not bothering to wait for my fellow ODIMites.
© Olarewaju Blessing
12th April 2020
Stay Safe, Stay Well